here
here i sit, listening to mystery icebergs, snacking on yogurt, and dreading the morning because i will be exhausted, yet again, from lack of sleep. i try, i do. but it's incredibly inconsistent. overwhelming tiredness in the middle of the day, to the point where i suspect a mild for of narcolepsy; extremely long bouts of sleep and extremely short bouts of sleep, seemingly at random; the inability to quiet my mind, largely at night. it's more stressful than anything. i know my cortisol levels are high.
today was... nothing? not bad, just nothing. two meetings, no real work completed. i suppose i could do some of that while i cant sleep, but i have no motivation. maybe if i think about it enough. get inspired to continue my automation projects. i like those. the low-code platform is not intuitive and frustrating, but i'm acclimated to it now, which has me feeling like my programming skills are atrophying. i should find a side project to create or contribute to sometime. when i have the energy.
i've been wanting to do a lot of things like that. find something i like and commit to completing it. i struggle with committing though, of course, and i worry about leaving it unfinished because of the way that effects my mental state. that type of metal paralysis is so annoying to me.
all things considered, i would not qualify this as a bad day. obviously not good, but not terrible. i made a dinner plan and stuck to it even though the portion was far too much. i spoke to a friend for a while. those were decent things.
maybe i will sleep soon. here's hoping.