low
it's horrible to spend so much money on medication and health care every month with so little return. i'm still so low. so sad. so close to exiting.
i'm thankful to have one friend who understands where i'm coming from. but it's not the same. we don't experience the exact same afflictions. they know what it's like to be so low, but their treatment won't work for me the same way it does for them.
i am simultaneously grateful and disappointed my partner will never understand. and i can't make him understand. not without scaring him. and i won't go that far, if i can help it.
i was able to do some stuff yesterday. some of the work i set out to do. i feel okay about that. but it wasn't everything. and i didn't walk. i need to lose weight. i need to stop eating so much. but help with that costs money too.
all this whining doesn't make me feel any better, no. but what can i do? i need more money but how can i do that? it's impossible to find a different job that will give me a decent salary, and my current job... well, we'll see how long that holds out.